


Epiphany

by neuroticphysiologist



Series: Immediate Thunderbirds are Go Shorts [14]
Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Anxiety, Shy John, Slight mention of depression and drugs, Song: Epiphany (BTS), Struggling, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27100456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neuroticphysiologist/pseuds/neuroticphysiologist
Summary: John reflects about the stress he had in his academic years.Warnings are on the tags.
Series: Immediate Thunderbirds are Go Shorts [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726036
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> For Whumptober Prompt 11: Psych 101 - Struggling  
> So it's quite a delayed fic.
> 
> This isn't my best *cries* I apologize...
> 
> Note: mentions of anxiety, and slight of drugs and depression, just one sentence.

John was not in the mood for attending out of school events like retreats. He's too busy with his school works. There is always a time to relax, no matter how busy you are, the program coordinator said to him. And so he did, also after knowing that it is a requirement.

\-----

It was time for bed, and his roommate was playing a song that got him thinking. He has known a few of the Korean language, and was able to analyze the song. His roommate noticed him when he stopped reading his book.

"You liking this, John?"

"I'm analyzing it."

"You know Korean?"

"A little."

"Oh, you're gonna love it. I'll play it a little louder."

John placed his book on his lap and continued listening. The slight use of the English language made an emphasis on the chorus. He closed his eyes as he listened.

_I'm the one I should love in this world_

_The shining me, the precious soul of mine_

It made him reflect about his past life.

\-----

He was one of the most shy students in his batch. He sometimes hid with a hoodie on or walking near the corner so as not to be noticed by other people. He usually went to the library to study peacefully.

But almost everyone knows he's a genius. He was one of the champions at chess for three years in a row. Still, he remained to be the guy at the corner, unlike Gordon, who was popular in his batch. Well, you know him. Each of the Tracys have their own paths.

Even though John received good recognition, sometimes he's still not happy about his high school life. He was often bullied by the older guys. They take his lunch, lock him up, and at times they beat him up. Gordon found out what his big brother have been through months later and helped him to keep him away from harm.

He only had at least five friends in school. The rest are only acquaintances. His five friends were the only ones he can trust when he needed help.

He focused more on academics to continue the path he wanted to go.

His college days were the worst. Sure he liked studying but the pressure put on him was too much. There are many things he wanted to prove in his solutions, but when he watched his fellow classmates report, he wasn't confident anymore. He thought they were better. They were smarter than him. He just sat down on his chair, with his best report stored in his mind. He only put that through written works.

In the next weeks, he thought he wasn't at his best, but he still passed with remarkable grades. His professors were impressed by his performance.

But when the thesis year came, he stressed himself out. He wasn't able to give himself a time out. He worked hard, but the results didn't go well. He tried everything to make it perfect.

He was close to giving everything up.

His big brothers and his grandma usually call him once a week, but he only responded with a text, apologizing that he didn't answer their calls.

He was struggling almost every day. He would indulge himself with more than two cups of coffee every day, pushing hard to be alert and awake. Weeks later, his brain grew tired, but he still needed to keep himself awake to finish loads of tasks.

The next day, he wasn't able to wake up on time for his first class. He thought about what he had done in the past few weeks. He was pushing himself too hard.

The class that he missed was Philosophy. He thought it would be okay to miss just one session. He remembered what his professor said about hard work. It was just a little intermission in her lesson weeks ago. She said about taking care of oneself especially if the person has been working hard. At least there was effort. Turns out, she was right.

John looked around his room. There were empty cans of coffee piled up in the trash. His books and papers were scattered around the floor. A few of his clothes were on the floor too. He noticed a bottle of pills on his bedside table, and it was almost empty. He realized how much he took them. He had been in a mess.

He decided to clean everything up when he arrived after his last class for the day.

\-----

When the retreat was over, he played the song again, this time he was all alone in his apartment room. And it left him with a tear falling from his eye.

He went back to Tracy Island on spring break and finally admitted to his big brother Scott about what happened, after missing his calls. Grandma heard them and came in to reassure him. And after spring break, he made a new schedule for himself.

He reflected about the time he was pushing too hard to be perfect. He reflected why he did all of that only to excel. He's a naturally intelligent man, and his efforts are well praised. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. Astronomy is his passion. What's important is doing his best, and doing the work with love.

Months later, John and his group mates did a wonderful job in their defense. He wasn't too pressured, he just came in naturally. It's one of his traits that his family loved, his friends, and other people he knew. And he felt happy.


End file.
